The past six months have been a whirlwind of events and changes in my life, both personal and professional. I started teaching yoga and pursued to complete all the courses I have dreamed of doing - mat Pilates, personal training specialist, yin yoga, and meditation teacher training. This month, I decided to take a pause from teaching yoga. In my moment of stillness, I came to this profound realization that much of this journey has been about the search and longing for enoughness, connection, belonging, and worthiness. Silence has afforded me a space to consider my activities and intentions. I say activities because I am just learning that activity is totally different from action. Activity is what keeps us busy, like the hamster spinning its wheel... it is full of longing, yearning, wanting, and grasping.
When I began my journey as a yoga instructor, I came with the deepest intention of sharing the magnificence of healing through movement and stillness. This is what I have gained from my own personal practice. But as soon I started teaching, I aspired to become as good as the best yoga teachers I have ever met. I strived to design sequences that are creative and inspiring. I strived to find the most profound things to say during savasana. I strived to sub as many classes as I can so I can feel like I am actually teaching. The key word here is STRIVE. Life does not require us to strive. What life requires from us is a response to action. Striving is activity, responding is action. It is about being so present that our doing arises from stillness - it is inspired by the present moment. This action comes from our higher intelligence, it is an invitation to engage with life itself. When we strive and ambition ourselves so much that we fill up our schedules with all the MUST do's... (because if we don't, we might just never get to where we want to be), we sort of pave the way to escape from the very experience of life. We can never quite get there because once we achieve one thing, there will always be next thing to do in order to get to the destination.
We are now in Scorpio season. This time of the year invites us to look inward. The seasons are changing and we are invited to open our eyes to see our own patterns and activities. To approach, with curiosity, the things that drive us, the things that trigger us. And as we sit quietly to see the activities of our minds, we bring to awareness our vulnerabilities, our tendencies for shame, guilt, and fear. As my meditation teacher once said, opening up to our inner landscape allows us to establish a loving and compassionate relationship with ourselves. As it begins to get cold, we are being invited to go within, and find the warmth that is already there. How can we settle and find a sense of grounding if we are so preoccupied with activities? Can we pause for a moment to consider if we are doing things as a means to get ahead, or are we doing things to respond to life's calling in the present moment?
I am a lover of life, beauty, and vitality. I believe that we are creators of our own reality. It is important that our thoughts, feelings, speech, and actions reflect our true, essential nature. Through stillness, we can find our true selves. My desire is to share the journey into myself in the hopes of creating a space that connects with others who find themselves on the same path. I hope that you will find inspiration in this place.